1. No, you didnt get any mail. If you had any mail I would have put it in your box. Just because you didnt find any mail in your box DOES NOT mean someone stole your mail. There really are times when you do not get mail. I promise.
2. No, the USPS did NOT buy me this bright shiny new vehicle, I had to buy it to deliver mail. I know, hard to believe.. but true
3. I did shut your mail box, but the big truck that just blew past it at 100 mph blew the lid open…
4. Dont crease your mail??? Seriously????
5. Sorry but I cannot get to your box at the exact same time everyday. If I could forsee how much mail would be sent out daily I would not be carrying mail.
6. Please, please, get dressed before you answer the door. I know you feel sexy, but please, have mercy on your carrier.
7. Please do not leave your trash cans in front of your mailbox, while I do have long arms, they are not that long
8. Your mail didnt get picked up because…. you do not have a little red flag on your box….and my ESP that usually tells me you had outgoing mail was on the fritz that day.
9. While I sympathize with you for all of your medical problems, I do not really have time to sit there and hear them all.
10. Why did your mail get wet?. ITS RAINING…and… Your box will NOT shut.. Also, we have not been issued little mail umbrellas to keep it from getting wet when we put it in the box.
11. You know those wasps that try to sting you when you check your mail? Just because you have been lucky so far and have not been stung, doesnt mean I have.
12. I know you think your dog wont hurt a flea, but please dont let him push through the screen door and come out.
13. I did come to your door, I saw you peak through the curtain at me, please dont tell my boss I didnt
14. Please do not write all over mail that was mistakenly put in your box.I know you do not like it,and I apologize that it happened. If you will leave it in your box with the flag up, I think I will get the idea.
15. I know you are irritated when I slow you down on road while I am putting mail in the boxes. Please do not scream obscenities at me. I know you are mad but I cannot get out of your way.